tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005249090549075026.post9026641980741742023..comments2011-12-14T22:17:25.072-06:00Comments on COFFEE: The Bill Art of Listening (Tanya)Unknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger9125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005249090549075026.post-5215692541287447962010-12-10T17:50:19.217-06:002010-12-10T17:50:19.217-06:00Hi Tanya! I think it's awesome how you write,...Hi Tanya! I think it's awesome how you write, I think you would be the coolest pen-pal ever. Also, I understand at a cellular level what you mean about professional communication and the communication you use when you feel like you can shorthand it. O, la, the "sucks beans" part could have come from a script in the Neubauer household. I spend all day talking teacher- and school-speak that when I come home I want to say poopypants and yeah, right A-hole, and stick a sock in it. I always know I have a solid friend when they don't expect me to talk like an adult when I'm with them.<br /><br />And also, I talk to my dogs every day like that. Every day. I have more running commentary with them than I do with people. It's like I spend all day trying to be so carefully structured in my speech, attention, body language that when I walk through the door, it becomes a free for all in Grammer City. It's comfies on and hair back and make-up OFF. And I'm with ya on the make-up. I almost never wear it outside of work. I do have to wear it at work though because when I don't people ask if I feel well. But otherwise, vacation to me means primarily that I don't have to pack make-up and special shoes.<br /><br />So, keep rockin it!!Katiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09905537299375598512noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005249090549075026.post-2916053418815386562010-12-07T22:09:22.137-06:002010-12-07T22:09:22.137-06:00First of all, Tanya Tanner May, I would like to sa...First of all, Tanya Tanner May, I would like to say how very friendly and open you look in both pictures. In one, you are clearly willing to listen to any lonely ghost in need of a good listener, and in the other picture, I can tell you are a complete and total professional (in a friendly, good-listener kind of way). I bet those officers left as total rock stars in terms of handling their mental health.<br /><br />Second, this listening thing IS so hard. C and I sat through hours of therapy/training on how to do it, and sometimes when he speaks, I totally forget to stop, listen, and then re-phrase what I heard him just say. He speaks and I'm already forming my counter-argument in my head (because he's a skilled contract negotiator. I have to SURVIVE, damnit). <br /><br />And 3rd, I already deeply admire you, because I would have been deeply wounded and angry all day if a man told me I was just like his wife AND I was zoning him out AND I was wasting his time. I would have gotten totally passive aggressive with him--found his weakest point and stuck the voodoo pin in it, over and over. (Which is why you're the therapist professional and I stick to 1st graders) (who I get passive aggressive with a lot, too).<br /><br />And last, I love reading your updates, because I always get so excited...there's always some kind of breakthrough/thoughtful reflection I can relate to on a deep level. As in, "Hey! Tanya's doing that, maybe I should try that too because I need to work on that!" or "Man! I soooo relate to this." <br /><br />Also, your dogs are lucky. I wish someone would talk to me like that when I walked in the door. :-)amyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14474804320816948025noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005249090549075026.post-33679221064453903432010-12-06T21:53:03.817-06:002010-12-06T21:53:03.817-06:00I'm with you Tanya, listening is hard and talk...I'm with you Tanya, listening is hard and talking to dogs is easy! I could take a lesson from my dog, he's very attentive when I talk to him. But I, however, am also good at zoning out. Noble goals and good progress!bljhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15948265511450448698noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005249090549075026.post-36718088449678315652010-12-06T19:04:31.360-06:002010-12-06T19:04:31.360-06:00Hey thanks Ladies!
Wendy, Peter Cetera! I love...Hey thanks Ladies! <br /><br />Wendy, Peter Cetera! I love some Peter! "Giving from our deficit can pay off doubly for us." Well, that is so well said. You are right what a gift we give ourselves actually by giving to others. It's just cool, I like that thought a lot. Man, it's thoughts like that, Wendy, that makes it easier to just DO these things. <br /><br />Tawni, I actually am always trying to remind myself to do brain stimulating things to fight off Dementia... sometimes I think my tv watching is not doing the trick. :) Thanks for your insight, so right on. And WOW, 5 yrs, I bet you have some great stories!<br /><br />P-Diddy, Thanks Sister! I didn't realize this information but I like that you think it's good. I probably do this a lot..... I think I will notice more, like in boring emails at work and such. I am queen of the emoticon, which is probably not necessarily business-y. :) Oh, and YESSS, fatigue. I thing that's it.<br /><br />Steph, Thanks for all the inspiration and cheer you bring. I bet your daughter was SURPRISED in that moment because I would gander and even bet some moolah that you are normally a great listener! I also think it speaks to her assertiveness skills that she called you to the carpet, love kids like this! :)Tanner May (Tanya)https://www.blogger.com/profile/05005969461911192971noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005249090549075026.post-76629242037026767392010-12-06T12:45:59.369-06:002010-12-06T12:45:59.369-06:00P.S. Love the pics!!!! Thanks for sharing!P.S. Love the pics!!!! Thanks for sharing!Stephhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03605984406276288058noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005249090549075026.post-15959212367420948222010-12-06T12:44:00.018-06:002010-12-06T12:44:00.018-06:00Oh, T... Listening, really listening... it's a...Oh, T... Listening, really listening... it's a gift that we choose to give someone. It requires getting over yourself, gifting someone with your time and attention. That's not easy, especially when we're busy and thoughtful and brilliant! :) I commend you for practicing this skill not just at work but in your everyday life. I know at the end of my day, I really just need FIVE MINUTES of peace and quiet to rest my mind and tongue. I talk more and listen less than you do all day, but effective and strategic communication is fatiguing! (It IS interesting, isn't it, P?) <br />As silly as it sounds, I actually had this thought last week when my daughter looked right at me while she was telling me about something tremendously important that had happened to her that day. She gave me this look of utter disgust laced with disappointment and asked me to repeat what she'd just said. I absolutely could NOT repeat a word of it. I broke her heart, and I'm sure that's not the first time or that she's the only person in my life I've done that to. OUCH. Utter shame is what I felt, and no apology will mend her heart. The next day, I made a vow to do better. And I have done better, even if it means I have to ask them to give me a moment to finish a thought or project and then come back to tell me what they need to say so that I can focus and listen. They deserve and want desperately to be heard, just like I think I deserve & want to be heard. <br />P is right on. You do write the same way you would talk about things, and I find it refreshing and entertaining. So proud of you and can't wait to hear what it is you've been noodling! Keep up the great work, sister... ROLL WIF IT!Stephhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03605984406276288058noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005249090549075026.post-59516432825308717112010-12-06T11:52:41.860-06:002010-12-06T11:52:41.860-06:00i love that when i read your posts i can hear you ...i love that when i read your posts i can hear you talking. you're every bit as animated in writing as you are in person, and i like that about you!<br /><br />i also like that you can call poor listening "smelly and stupid." :)<br /><br />and listening. YES! so important in such big ways. listening to others, listening to self, listening to knees, listening to universe... i think that's a very big and cosmic key in the concept of listening.<br /><br />also, i wanted to say that i very much related to the part where you said you come home in the evenings and you are spent. i read that as fatigue. complete and total fatigue. and i think it's really interesting how communicating can be fatiguing. hm.<br /><br />good on you, t.patresa hartmanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/04225877848092404155noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005249090549075026.post-87733689864492751642010-12-06T11:08:17.342-06:002010-12-06T11:08:17.342-06:00"...so take that future Dementia!"
Haha..."...so take that future Dementia!"<br /><br />Haha! That made me laugh. <br /><br />I really like the idea of listening training, and know exactly what you mean by waiting until someone is done speaking before you answer, even in your own head. I have caught myself not only answering too quickly, too thoughtlessly, but finishing someone's sentences for them, and then I get mad at my brain for trying to go too fast. Slow down and really listen to people, my crazy brain! <br /><br />I think that after listening to people all day long at work, it would be the hardest thing in the world to come home and be a good listener. Like telling a car mechanic they get to come home from a day toiling at the garage and fix your car for free. I commend you for your impressive effort.<br /><br />Awww. You definitely made Mr. Cashier Man's night a little bit brighter with your kindness. I worked in a convenience store for five years, and the nice people who popped in between the rude ones and treated me like a human instead of a machine made everything so much better. Way to go!<br /><br />I love the pictures. I would be beet red and terrified speaking in front of the people like that, by the way, you brave lady. And did you hear any ghosts at the hotel? I hope so! :)Tawnihttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10188683676180842751noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-8005249090549075026.post-6757222239936275712010-12-06T10:59:43.179-06:002010-12-06T10:59:43.179-06:00Wow Tanya, What a great post! Being a better liste...Wow Tanya, What a great post! Being a better listener - what a worthy goal! I loved this line especially, in your story about the cashier "I gave him more patience than I felt .." It's amazing how giving from our deficit can pay off doubly for us, because I can just imagine you walking back to your car, the cold not quite as cold as before and a smile on your face.<br />Not to get all Peter Cetera-ey oon you but, you're an inspiration, Sister Tanya.Wendyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03761660768046290323noreply@blogger.com