:: WHY WE BE ::

Boo to false, self-imposed limits, we say. These champion oracles want to live enthusiastically. Follow our trip through projects that challenge, frustrate, and/or scare us. In the end (which is really the middle) we want to live like big bright free and authentically awesome people.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

The Brutality of the Dice (Holly)

Tonight the decision dice are really pissing me off.  I realize that it’s highly suspect to make decisions based off of what the decision dice say…..but, I’m telling you, they’re so on target so often when I do it, that it’s hard not to put a little faith in them.  Because of this respect that I’ve developed for the decision dice, I don’t bother them too often.  Only when I really want an idea on how something might turn out.  I guess we could also call them fortune telling dice as you’re allowed to ask questions about the future.  One method allows for vague questions like, “What will happen with my love life in the next 3 months” or, “how’s it going to go with me, the Artist’s Way, and the blog”….stuff like that.  So, I got answers tonight that I did not expect!!  And, they weren’t really what I wanted to hear.   One result of the brutal honesty of the dice, I have decided that I cannot do the Artist’s Way as my COFFEE project.  I still want to do the blog, but I think that the project that I’m really supposed to do is to clean and organize my life.  Cleanse. Deep and thorough cleanse.  I mentioned the importance of this project at some point last year in a COFFEE blog.
I fully intended for this first blog to be about what I learned from last year’s blogging COFFEE experience and why I didn’t end up finishing the whole Artist’s Way course.  But…..I just can’t bring myself to do it.  Turns out it has to do with this clearing, cleansing, purging thing…..as many of you COFFEE alum may recall, I learned a lot about listening to the universe and being open to the many serendipitous events that it presents to me.  Well, that’s what is happening now and all roadsigns lead to a major cleanse as top priority.  I’ve been stuffing it for years. No pun intended.  I have no excuses anymore. 
Here’s what the Artist’s Way has to say on this topic:….(and I highlighted the crap out of it last year)
By tossing out the old and unworkable, we make way for the new and suitable.  A closet stuffed with ratty old clothes does not invite new ones.  A house overflowing with odds and ends and tidbits you’ve held on to for someday has no space for the things that might truly enhance today.
When the search-and-discard impulse seizes you, two crosscurrents are at work: the old you is leaving and grieving, while the new you celebrates and grows strong. As with any rupture, there is both tension and relief.  Long-seated depression breaks up like an ice floe.  Long-frozen feelings thaw, melt, cascade, flood, and often overrun their container (you).  You may find yourself feeling volatile and changeable. You are.
Be prepared for bursts of tears and laughter. A certain giddiness may accompany sudden stabs of loss. Think of yourself as an accident victim walking away from the crash: your old life has crashed and burned; your new life isn’t apparent yet.  You may feel yourself to be temporarily without a vehicle. Just keep walking.
This is just a bit of what I'm up against!
I am excited and terrified all at once by this choice that I’ve made.  That last paragraph from Artist’s Way certainly resonates with me….old life crash and burn and what is the new life?
My goal is by the next time I write, in two weeks, I will at least have a schedule and plan of attack for a major home and life cleansing!
Oh, and btw....it's good to be back, COFFEE MATES.


John said...

I've been through so many crash and burn moments with life changes that my biscuts are almost always burnin'. Three years ago I literally shed tears as I threw out things I had been keeping since childhood. Now I hardly remember what I threw out. Keep what you need to in your heart. Throw the rest out. I'm crashing and burning again, too. So I'll be interested in seeing how it goes for you! Keep on walking!

John said...

Oh, and welcome back!

Holly said...

Thanks for sharing that, John. I really hope that I shed some tears as I get rid of some of this stuff. I'm ready for the catharsis! And, sorry about stealing your spot:) Thought somebody should get it kicked off if I waited much longer, I thought I might quit. I'm looking forward to reading yours soon! Hopefully we can get COFFEE back into gear and hope for even half of last years' success!

amy said...

This is good, Holly. This is good! I find periodic purging to be both helpful (currently envisioning the jungle status of my closet situation, in dire need of purging), scary (I have a hard time letting go of "stuff"...what if I need to use it again in 10 years??), and cleansing (I always feel so successful after a good "stuff" purge).

And I'm not just talking about clothes either. I totally get where you're coming from, and please know I have pom poms and cheers ready for you. Just keep walking (or running, Ms. Marathoner)!

Steph said...

Oh, Holly... Yes. This is powerful stuff. The purges I've survived in my day were good and necessary and painful and a relief and sucky and marvelous!!! It's brutal until it's over, then the stupid cycle begins again: "But I just threw all that crap out. I can totally get this!" Blech.
Thus, I'm wishing you permanency in your purging, friend... I sure am.
And, for the record, I SO WANT some decision dice! I TOTALLY WANT some decision dice, in fact. I must know from whence these genius cubes came! What better out from a big decision I don't want to make than a roll of the dice! Whew. Decision made! Okay, so it may take enough rolls for me to get the answer I want, but whatever. Please share more about these wonderful tools that could so help end my indecisiveness. Thank you in advance!
I just gotta say how awesome it was to log on here once again and see this super groovy post! I've missed being on here more than I realized, and I think this post is a superb way to kick things off for us! Welcome back!

Holly said...

Thanks Amy and Steph! So good to hear your voices once again! Man, I really did miss the bloggy blog! In fact, I'm going to start writing my next one either tonight or uber early in the morning. I shall give you an update on my project that way. But, now, more about the decision dice. Here's an amazon link to purchase your own set: http://www.amazon.com/Decision-Dice-Every-Question-Answered/dp/1590030834

I received them as a stocking stuffer several years ago and they had been living in my basement....until last year when I needed a white elephant gift. I almost regifted them, but then thought, No! I might be needing these. I have to say....they're surprisingly accurate! Unfortunately, they don't necessarily give me a definitive answer on what to do.....but definitely a nudge in the direction I need to go.
Can't wait to get an update on your activities and projects! Yayay!