I should be celebrating now. I’ve done my best Pollyanna impression throughout it all...but holy buckets I gotta be honest, I just feel.... weary.
I should be unable to take my eyes off our new kitchen, feeling up the new countertops and appliances in Vanna-like anticipation, but when things progress so... piece meal, in meticulous detail, day by day - meanwhile choking down yet another mushy crock pot meal (or uncooked – always one or the other), it has the effect of sucking out the final wow factor.
The giant pile of rubble in the backyard, the ever present layer of dust throughout the house, the fact that I feel so confined to my little area upstairs while the work goes on below me, has taken a serious toll. I know it’s short-sighted and immature, and I think this is the first time in a reeeeeally long time that time has felt like it’s dragging, rather than skipping. But I can’t shake this feeling that I’ll never have a functional kitchen with exciting touches like quarter-inch trim along the floors, I’ll never have a clean house, I’ll never get to drink wine again, I’ll never get to fill up my gullet with too much coffee and I’ll never meet this fluttery little munchkin inside of me. I’m having trouble seeing the light at the end of the tunnel here, people.
See? Negative.
Okay, so aside from all that, I do have good things going on and there has been some progress. Since the number of people coming in and out of the house has waned somewhat, I’ve been able to resume my music to an extent (because I really need alone time for this). My goal was to record a video of a new original or cover this week to put on my youtube channel, but seeing that I’d be caught dead before I made a video of me warbling with other people in earshot, I’m shooting for next week (I know, it’s ironic). In other news, it looks like I have a very cool new graphic design/web project coming up. So these are good things. AND I have also made efforts to connect more with people.
So there’s all that. Onward!
This has been a pretty lame post, I realize. Sorry about that, Sisters. I will post a picture of Millie listening to Van Halen (her fav) to lighten it up.
8 comments:
this:
I’d be caught dead before I made a video of me warbling with other people in earshot
made me laugh and laugh and laugh.
actually, i'm still laughing. because i'm picturing you sitting in the living room in front of your video camera with kitchen contractors in the background, and you keep shushing them, and holding up that little movie snappy board thing where people go "Take 2!" and then they snap it closed.
*sigh*
what were you saying?
oh. right. yes! i can relate to the feeling of being boxed in and the whole series of NEVERS. as for the construction, *my* readingwritingthinking room was completely nonfunctional for almost a year. furniture piled up on the 3-season porch, the walls stripped down to the studs. my piano sat under a plastic tarp for almost a year. and i felt very very similar. trapped. boxed. enclosed. like it was NEVER EVER EVER going to be done, and that was how i would live for the rest of my horrible life.
of course, to the wine and coffee and munchkin, i cannot so much relate, because last night i had beer, and this morning i am guzzling coffee.
so there is that.
i can't wait to see your new kitchen. i will marvel at its artistry for you.
and i will kiss millie squarely between her pretty eyes. i love me some millie pants.
Well, for one thing, you're a pregnant girl. And thus, your body is chock full of hormones. Never underestimate the whiny weariness progesterone can bring your way. Is what I say.
Two, about 2 years ago, we ripped up all our downstairs carpet and replaced it with hardwoods. We were confined to our bedroom for 2 days, and then I read something about chemicals in the laying down of hardwoods and moved Melissa and me into my mom's renovated downstairs compound (complete with movie screen and all...I'm totally peeved she waited until I was grown and out of the house to turn her place into Disneyworld--your munchkin is so lucky that you are doing Disneyworld renovations now).
Three, the image of you recording a video while singing/playing guitar as some construction guys wandered back and forth in the background is making me laugh and laugh.
Four, hooray on the cool new web/graphic design project! And the connecting with more people.
Five, that Millie is too cute! I would like to give her some nose kisses.
Oh, Wendy... being confined, in my opinion, is akin to being in hell. I HATE confined. It sucks. I'm sorry that's how you're feeling.
Pregnancy Hormones + Confined = HOLY CRAP!
At some point, I desperately hope that you will return home from work, the gym, the convenience store (you know, to satisfy those late-night Cheetohs, beef jerky, & Twinkie cravings), wherever, and just be struck with awe and wonder at your beautiful new space. I hope it just takes your breath away! It'll happen. You wait.
I, too, cracked up at the thought of watching your latest video on youtube and seeing the burly construction dude digging at his buttcrack in the background!!!!! Heh heh heh... talk about an EXTRA in the video! Somehow I don't think even HE would take away from your seriously awesome tune-age... can't wait to see it!
Congrats on the new design/web project! Something to look forward to! YES! And connecting with more people is wonderful, too...
Millie is tres adorable! Van Halen is a fave of mine, too. Good dog, Millie girl, good dog!
Hang in, Wendy... it'll all happen soon enough! :)
Nope, not lame at all. I like your post and not only because of sweetie-pie Millie girl who looks like a rocking doggie dj. I like it because I too can relate to the feeling of waiting for something to happen and wishing I was more excited about something than I am. Just know that this shall pass, I promise. And I know that cuz I'm really smart.
Wendy! Thanks for sharing some human NORMAL frustration so the rest of us (meaning me) doesn't feel like such a poop's nest. Living in constant dust alone would be enough to make the brightest of neons to turn grey, Sister Wendy Coffee.
I love Miss Millie. Thank you for that too! I am such a sucker for little fur balls of love. She looks like a dear dear soul, and I quite like and am impressed she has such stellar and nonconformist love of music. I just assume other pretty canine ladies are more the Carrie Underwood or Rascal Flatts fans. I don't know why, but I just do. And I also like C.U. and R.F. so no slight intended.
The best vibes of cheerio being sent your way, and I can't wait to be privy to the new creativity!!!!!
Wendy, even at your whiniest (which is not much at all), you are so delightful. I'm so excited for your new kitchen, but I identify totally with the never, never, never feeling. I don't know about you, but I get so excited for a project and then when it gets going I want it to be done, done, done! My level of patience for process is really crappy. And then I'm just grouchy that it took forever to get done when it's finished.
And to echo the others - the idea of you earnestly singing a soulful ballad while artfully draping yourself against a door or wall while Joe the carpenter fires up his rotary saw makes my belly shake with laughter. I keep having this vision of the workers from The Money Pit all over - like when she opened her bathroom cabinets and asked the guy for pain killer and he told her she was almost out of birth control. "Guys! I'm trying to film a video here! I KNOW I'm almost out of eggs!"
Hehe! And although I've never been pregnant and the closest I can claim to hormonal upset is when Axel leaves his underwear on the living room floor AGAIN (I swear that man belongs in a nudist colony), I wholeheartedly believe you can't count the hormones out. They're sneaky that way. Under their influence I regularly consume more chocolate than a sane person should. Don't be too hard on yourself if you're not incandescent with joy at every moment of the day. I think it's probably normal.
And Steph is right - one day the light will catch it just right, or you'll turn around from grabbing something from the fridge and be struck with the feeling of gratitude that this is your kitchen.
And you couldn't have ended it better than with a nice picture of Millie with headphones. That made me smile all by itself.
Wendy, I can totally identify with believing things will NEVER happen. After my 7 year old was born, I really, really, really could not believe that he would every be older than about 9 months. I just COULD NOT picture him as a toddler, young boy, middle schooler, teenager, etc. Now, I can, but it was such a weird mental block that I'll never forget it.
Love Millie and Van Halen! Awesome!
Hahaha! That cute puppy is wearing HEADPHONES!! I love that picture. :)
Oh, you poor weary pregnant lady. It was a very weary time for me too. So tired. And so hungry. So very tired and hungry. It makes sense, really. You're GROWING a HUMAN after all.
But still. Knowing why doesn't make it any less tiresome sometimes, does it? My husband often woke to find me hugely pregnant and hormonal, quietly weeping on the couch in the middle of the night. He would then give me there-there pats on the back and lead me back to bed like an over-tired child. He called it Going To The Dark Place when I did that. It's hard to avoid it sometimes.
Please let me reassure you from one who's been there that this stressful, wobbly time will be a distant memory before you know it, and you'll be able to have a relaxing end-of-the-day glass of wine again if you want one, in your finished kitchen, while your your new little bundle of joy hopefully sleeps soundly through the night. :) Pregnancy is not forever, it is not forever, it is not forever. And it is totally worth it. You will transition into your new phase of life and be out of this uncertain, unnerving limbo, and you will come out of it with a finished kitchen to boot! Hang in there. You can do it, tough girl! You CAN. I'm thinking of you, and hoping you have a really excellent next week. xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo.
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