COFFEE Post 13: Breathe… (Stephany)

Life is a funny thing. What? It is. (Maybe I’m about to make a mistake by using the term “we,” but it makes me feel better to use it. If I say only “I” then I’m the only freakola, get it? So I’m saying “we” here, and it’s all good.) We spend all our time as kids impatiently growing until we’re (finally!) teenagers. Then as teenagers, we think we know everything and trudge impatiently through teen stuff until we get to be adults. Yeah, “get to be” adults. Why the heck were we so impatient, anyway?

I teach in a high school of about 1300 kids, grades 9-12. With less than 8 weeks left of school, and only 5-ish weeks left for the seniors, there’s an energy in the air. It’s that urgent, something-big’s-coming energy that we as adults don’t experience as much as I think we should. All this energy and all the activity associated with the end of a school year really takes me back and has made me think….

My journalism students are working diligently to wrap up a rocky year, my first as the advisor for the newspaper. It was a learning year, a good but difficult year, where we ALL learned some valuable lessons, skills, and a little more about ourselves and a lot about each other. A lot like a first year of anything new and exciting. We’ve made much progress and have some momentum going into next year. Yes! As we start to put the finishing touches on our final issues, one of which is focused solely on the Class of 2011 (How old does that make YOU feel??? Yeah. Ancient. Blech.), a junior student of mine asked a question that set a whole lot in motion:

“Hey, Pace. If you had the chance to say anything to the seniors about Life after high school, what would it be?”

Um… um… {silence} Um.

Huh. She really kind of stumped me. Yeah, my students were as shocked as you are. Pace, silent. I know.

Then I thought about it. Probably a thousand times since I left high school, I’ve had the thought, “I sure wish someone would have told me about THAT.” Or, “so-and-so told me that. Sure wish I’d listened.” So I told her that. She just looked at me like I was nuts. Ah, to be young and ignorant again. (Didn’t someone once say that ignorance was bliss? I firmly believe there is some truth to that!) So she and I talked some more, and a concept for a really cool addition to the Senior Edition came to life.

She and I sent the following email to every teacher, staff member, administrator, and employee of the school district this morning:

“The Webb City High School INSIGHT is seeking your advice for the senior class. What wisdom might you have to impart to these young people getting ready to leave our District? Whether you have been here awhile and know all these kids or just came here this year, these students could benefit from your experience and advice. Please answer any/all of the questions below when you have a few moments. THANK YOU!

1. From where and when did you graduate?

2. What one thing from high school would you do over again if you had the chance? Why?

3. What do you wish someone had told you before you graduated?

4. What specific advice, tips, or information do you have to share with the Class of 2011?

We appreciate your help with this project.

XX, junior, INSIGHT reporter

Stephany Pace, INSIGHT Advisor”

Within half an hour, I received 8 replies, and they are still coming into my inbox as I write. I could share some of those responses, but the funny thing is that many of them are nearly identical to mine: “I wish I’d listened more to what the adults in my life were saying to me. They weren’t complete morons, after all.” Or something along those lines. Most of the responses are wistful and almost sad in tone. The evil “I wish,” and his (no offense, John!) cousins “Coulda,” “Shoulda,” and “Woulda” are evident in many of the responses, and they sure are buggers, aren’t they? It is obvious in what I’m reading from these adults, and because we can’t have what we wish or go back and do what we coulda, shoulda, or woulda done, regret is a common thread for many of us.

The more I read these responses and think about my own, the more I’m challenged. No, I can’t go back and do what I wish I would have done when I had the chance or do what I should’ve and could’ve done then. But I can take those ideals and apply them to my life as it is today. Let’s face it. Every year is a graduation of sorts. We survived another year, and the next year always brings about new challenges and surprises. Maybe this year it’s a new job, a change in marital status, a health crisis, a new baby, a major financial situation, going back to school, loss of a loved one, relocation, or some combination of those… with every challenge, though, comes an opportunity. We get the opportunity to make the most of what’s going on, to choose how to handle it, to live through it without regret and having to say later, “I sure wish…” or “I coulda/shoulda/woulda…”

So, speaking of living without regret, I am so grateful to COFFEE for “forcing” my hand where goal setting and follow through is concerned. To that end, what I have I been doing about my COFFEE goals? Well, here you go:

1. U 2.0 – U 2.0 is. What? It just IS. I do have some regrets where U 2.0 is concerned, but I am trying very hard to live in a way that will hopefully result in less of those. While that might be a tall order, in the end, I want to know that I did the very best I could in this realm and be proud of how I handled it. I’m gonna do my best, I really am.

2. Training for the Half – I hate that I can’t run this weekend. This was to be my first half. My knee has killed that. My goal, then, has become to tackle this month’s physical therapy with gusto and 100% effort. That way, rehab after the surgery in May will go faster and result in my being able to run this same half race next year – or another maybe even before that! Hooah!

3. Pondering studenthood – I am finishing my application now and deciding whether to start this summer or the fall. I’m very excited but nervous about this whole thing, but I’m ready. I think. Guess we’ll see!

4. Co-parenting – See U 2.0. Regrets to this point? Yep. Have them. However, I am committed to handling this whole co-parenting thing as I should have all along., which may be the tallest order of all. Ever. My attitude will determine my success level, so stay tuned!

5. Awareness of Others – My friendships are blossoming because of this, and I’m loving it. Yes.

So maybe before I posted my COFFEE goal progress you were thinking about the answers you’d give if you were asked the questions above. If not, I challenge you to come up with your own answers to those questions. I think you’ll find it interesting. Maybe, also, you were wondering what my responses were. Either way, I thought I’d share them, even if you weren’t curious:

1. Fort Scott (Kan.) HS, 1992

2. I’d spend more time with friends, instead of focusing on a boyfriend or grades so much. I missed out on a lot of fun and some pretty amazing people.

3. Life only speeds up, and the pressure only increases. Finding great people to share Life with and also finding balance in the face of Life’s craziness makes all the difference. It’s not what you get in Life that counts but what you do with it.

4. Enjoy these last days of high school. You’ll never get them back. Say “thank you” (and mean it) to those who’ve helped you somehow. Appreciate your parents and family now more than ever. Slow down whenever you can, but don’t lose your focus. And finally, don’t forget to breathe.…

So, for all of us, I hope you’ll take a little advice from the staff of Webb City Schools, from me, and from yourselves. Spend your days well as you can never get them back, listen, say thank you and mean it, focus, slow down, appreciate those you love, seek balance, and breathe……………..