COFFEE Project Post Eleven: The Happy (Tawni)

I'm full of it.

Full of happiness, that is.

The last time I wrote for the COFFEE Project, I was feeling terrible. I was so nauseated every day that I could barely eat anymore, and spent most days tired and in pain.

The nausea and exhaustion had been gradually increasing over the last few years. After many doctor visits, assorted blood tests and bizarre health problems, one issue finally led to an ultrasound, and we found something that might be to blame for my troubles.

The good news: I wasn't crazy. It wasn't in my head.

The bad news: only surgery could remedy the situation.

As I wrote, I was dreading the surgery that was scheduled in a few days, morbidly wondering if I'd wake up from anesthesia, and pessimistically wondering if the surgery would even help. I'd felt so bad for years that feeling normal had become unimaginable. As I whining-ly wrote in that post, I was really just praying to maybe feel not bad every day. I didn't dare hope for feeling good.

I woke up from the surgery elated to have made it through alive. Warned that I might cry or vomit after anesthesia, I instead felt nothing but relief and joy. It was over, I woke up, and for the first time in longer than I could remember, I didn't feel like throwing up. In fact, I didn't feel sick at all! The loss of my constant nausea was like waking up from a years-long nightmare. The horrible stomach flu feeling that had hung miserably around my neck like a rancid albatross was gone, and I couldn't believe it. Hospital personnel were treating me like I was a bit off for acting so chipper, giving me strange looks, calling me "Sunshine" and commenting on my cheerful attitude during my stay. I was just so appreciative. I still can't believe that I can eat again - that food actually smells good and sounds appealing again. It's a miracle.

On top of the immediate success of the surgery, I have amazed my doctor with a freakishly fast recovery. He warned me it would be a 6-8 week recovery period, most likely 8 weeks, and I blew him away with my progress at my 2 weeks post-surgery check up. I am not quite 4 weeks post-surgery right now, and I'm driving, walking around normally, and nearly back to normal. I'm still having a bit of pain at the site of my 5-inch-long abdominal incision, but it's nothing compared to the pain I was in before the surgery, and the nausea is gone. My perspective is firmly in place and I am doing wonderfully. No complaints at all.

Before the surgery, I convinced my husband to join me in purchasing a juicer, and we bought the easy-to-clean Breville Fountain Elite. I was trying to find ways to make my recovery as fast and easy as possible, and I've wanted to try juicing forever. I decided that I would use the power of fruits, vegetables and vitamins to heal myself and for continued good health into the future. I never want to go under the knife again in this lifetime if I can help it.

We love our juicer, and have used it every single day since we bought it a month ago. My son and I have a special love for apple, carrot, spinach, and orange juice, and my husband really likes his pineapple, grapefruit, orange and kale blend. We have also juiced beets, mangoes, cucumbers, tomatoes, plums, and pears, and I want to try sweet potato juice as well. My goal is to slowly add more kale and spinach to my favorite juice until I am drinking a super green blend every day.

I am also trying to eat more raw fruits and vegetables than ever before. I'm trying to gradually increase them in my diet so I don't detoxify too quickly, because this can cause bad health effects. I already don't eat much dairy, don't really like meat, and eat a green, leafy salad every day, so my diet is pretty healthy. I just want to take it a step further. I never want to take my precious health for granted. It's just so darned awesome to feel good again.

Now that I am putting the health crisis behind me, I'm really excited to start focusing on my original COFFEE goals of writing more often, and working on ignoring my insecure, lazy inner chicken-sloth who whispers things like, "You're not good enough," and, "Let's go watch recorded crap shows on television instead of writing," in my ear during moments of weakness. SHUT IT, insecure, lazy inner chicken-sloth. You are not welcome here!

Next week, I'm going back to my writing schedule of working on blogs or my novel every day, from 11-2. I am going to allow myself a nap if I need it, because my body is still recovering from the removal of multiple organs, and I am still healing. If I feel tired enough to sleep, that's a sign that I need it, and I'm listening to my body. But hopefully I'll get back into the usual swing of things in no time.

Last week, I wrote a piece for The Nervous Breakdown. My goal was to write a piece for that website once a month, and the surgery set that goal back by 2 weeks, but I'm back on track now. You can read it (and comment on it there) if you'd like... here: http://www.thenervousbreakdown.com/tfreeland/2011/03/best-actress/


Happy spring, happy health, and happy everything, everybody!