COFFEE Post 14: Out of sorts… (Stephany)

Check the title of this post. It describes me well right now. OUT. OF. SORTS. I dislike this state of mind. It’s uncomfortable, annoying, and unsettling. Life is crazy here right now, just like it is for everyone everywhere. That just never seems to change. It’s more than that Life is crazy, though. I don’t know for sure exactly what it is that’s tipped the scales (aside from the fact that I’m still eating like I’m running 20+ miles a week… but that’s another kind of scale and another story ENTIRELY), but I have the sneaking suspicion that my body is literally rebelling.

When I wrenched my knee, I went from 20-25 miles/week and weight lifting at least twice a week to ZERO miles running, maybe a couple limping if you count just getting around everyday, and having to be so careful in the weight room it’s hardly worth it. Physical therapy has provided me with some physical activity, but it’s so focused on a specific purpose and has been so painful and mentally exhausting, it just doesn’t count.

I’ve written before about how my workouts and runs are therapeutic and necessary for coping and stress reduction. I knew it was important. I knew I needed the activity, and I knew it helped. What I didn’t know was just how much I needed it and how beneficial overall it really was for me. I can say, without hesitation, that since I haven’t been working out, I really don’t feel like myself. I don’t feel like myself, think like myself, OR look like myself. (The pants I can no longer wear will attest to this, too. UGGA-BUGGA!) I am just OUT OF SORTS. And, as I have come to realize, it has solely to do with the fact that my body’s not getting what it wants and needs.

I suppose I’m whining and complaining about something I can’t do much about right now. It IS a temporary state that will soon be remedied. After Friday’s knee surgery, light will be visible at the end of the tunnel again. (That’s the plan, anyway!) I’m not going to be able to go run for some time, but I’ll at least be back on the road to running. Doc says that by the end of June, I ought to be tying up the New Balance and getting back to the streets or, at the very least, a slowly moving treadmill. I can live with that. And in the meantime, I’ll have more physical therapy AND a brace that will support my knee enough that I can confidently venture back into the weight room. I’m extremely excited about this prospect! EXTREMELY EXCITED!!!! Not just because I get to go back to doing what I really love to do, but also because I’m looking forward to being able to RELAX and NOT feel so out of sorts. I wanna be ME again, and it can’t happen soon enough!

Given that I’ve felt out of sorts for so long and that I’m uber-hopeful that the out-of-sorts stuff will go out the door soon, I’m going to focus on only a couple COFFEE goals for this month.

1. Physical training – I’m going to obliterate my inner-pansy and chew on leather if I must. I will not wimp out after this surgery. I’m going to get in the weight room at least 3 times a week, and I’m going to maintain my best efforts in physical therapy. Period. No highway option. I will also begin to eat appropriately again based on the amount of work I’m doing, not like I’m still running all those miles each week.

2. Focus on OTHERS – My clothes don’t fit. I can’t work out. I’m a total grouch. I’m out of sorts… Wah, wah, wah… I’m going to make my kids, my parents, and my students the focus in the next month. If I can keep things about OTHER PEOPLE and really put my heart there, I won’t have the time to fuss and whine about what’s up (or NOT UP) with ME.

3. Parenting – Mostly because I’ve been so crabby lately, I am going to refocus on giving my kids the best of what I have. I know. Sounds awful, like I don’t usually try to do this. I do try, but I’m honest. The kids have dealt with way more poop from me and because of me than they should. The grumpier I am, the less careful I am about what I “share” with them. I’m less patient and less considerate and less loving when I’m out of sorts, and those kids deserve better – much, MUCH better! And that’s what they’re gonna get. Sweet kiddos…

4. Seven Days – I’m jumping on this bandwagon. Don’t know what I’m documenting those 7 days, but I will choose. And I will document. And I will share.

I didn’t intend for this to sound like some goofy infomercial or the makings of some poorly-acted after-school special. It just has to be said, though. If you aren’t physically active and don’t give yourself that outlet, you are MISSING OUT – big time! Try it. You’ll like it. You will. (Okay, maybe you won’t. You WILL, however, like the way you feel in the end. That much I can promise you.) And if you’re someone who has an established work-out routine, I challenge you to mix it up some, keep it interesting and intense, and to really appreciate the burn. I know I didn’t when I was able. I’m ready to be thankful for the opportunity to work hard (and the ability to do so) again. READY. READ-Y Freddy, in fact.

Life’s not going to be less busy or complicated just because I’m going to be taking it a little easier physically post-op. Wouldn’t that be just dandy, though? Ah, wistful sigh…. Ahem. All better. Sorry. Life’s going to continue chugging along, and I must, as well. The out-of-sorts stuff will hopefully run screaming into the streets as soon as I scan my gym membership card again and feel the burn. It will, and I will, and I can’t wait!