:: WHY WE BE ::

Boo to false, self-imposed limits, we say. These champion oracles want to live enthusiastically. Follow our trip through projects that challenge, frustrate, and/or scare us. In the end (which is really the middle) we want to live like big bright free and authentically awesome people.

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Friday, December 24, 2010

Move on, Sister. Move the fudge on. (Wendy)

I have officially succumbed to peer pressure. Holly mentioned the power of “putting things out there”, and its tendency to motivate words into action, and I have to concur. Whether by our own volition/conscience, or via a kindred soul’s intervention, “putting it out there” is powerful stuff. In this particular case, I couldn’t put my Call Bill project out there for the world to know, let ya'll flood my ears with kind and encouraging words - then stuff all that in my pockets and move on selfishly without a little action. So.


The Bill.

And it truly was thanks to you COFFEE chicks (and my fear of looking like a weenie) that I did it. If it weren’t for those factors, it would, most certainly, have remained a smudged artifact on my white board of shameful procrastination for the next decade.

So, being that this here’s my last post of 2010, I said to to myself “Lady, you need to kick this Call Bill project in the ever-lovin’ fanny. This thing does NOT need to drag into 2011. If you don’t get rid of the green beans on your plate, you’re never gonna have room for the meatballs.” So that’s what I did.

I dialed.
He answered.

(Have I also mentioned that I am sooooo not a phone person? Seriously, I border of phone-phobic). Not only did he answer (to my surprise), but the anticipated awkward “hello?” was replaced with “WendyJ!”, like we’d just talked last week. Let me remind you that it’s been approximately three years of SILENCIO! (Holla Warden P!). But the call was so… natural that it was almost unnatural. It was like “so, what’s new”… oh I don’t know, in the past three years??? So, even tho my bronchitis resulted in my very first words sounding like a demented swamp toad, our conversation recovered and progressed amicably and, was really no different than it had ever been. Oh, I could dissect tones and word choices and perceived excitement levels to gauge our friendship’s current standing, but I would never dream of ruining a good thing with overanalysis… [bittah, bittah sarcasm]. No but seriously, I am choosing not to go that route.

It was a short conversation because he was in the middle of moving. In fact, the conversation only lasted 2 minutes and 43 seconds, ending with the promise that he’d call me back in 15 minutes.

He didn’t call me back. Which actually doesn’t bother me because in the end, it’s really not about whether someone likes you back as much as you like them, (which is a pretty superficial conclusion to draw anyway considering the amount of factors that can be involved in any given transaction), it’s about being authentic to yourself.

I’ve realized lately that friendships based on reciprocal liking, while human nature and all... can often compromise how you really feel and you can lose touch with yourself quickly that way. You have to just love someone as much as you do, and if they don’t return the favor, don’t stop. I mean, don't be a stalker or anything, but don't stop feeling the way you feel out of retaliation or imitation, because that's childish and often misguided.

And you know, that feels good. I am relieved with myself that I made the effort to reach out. That’s all I can really do. I would love it if he calls back, but if not, I can go to bed knowing that I did something. Noble? Badge-worthy? No. But it resolved a small ache in my soul, and that’s pretty invaluable.

Aaaaamen! Now let’s move the fudge on from the Call Bill project and everyone have a beautiful and peaceful Christmas, safe travels and delicious fudge.

2011 is gonna be OUR year!


patresa said...

you got guts, wendy j! WAY TO GO!

and such wise perspective! this post validates what i have been saying for years: you are, without a doubt, one of the wisest, and boldest people i know. seriously.

AND you used the telephone machine. there are a few phone-phobes in this group. i am one of them. yes. i understand this.

well, good on you, wendy j! and i can't wait to see what 2011 brings. wooooooo!

patresa said...

oh, also, i think you just seriously raised the bar. i read this and thought, "well, shit. you mean i really have to sing and play guitar at an open mic? i can't just talk about it for months?" maybe your post here will kick all of us in our fannies.

Tanner May (Tanya) said...

Hey Wendy Jans! This is fantastic! Congratulations, truly! That is for your super fantastic attitude too!!!

Phone phobes.... this makes me laugh. I think we've all become a little phone phobic. :) Your project just wouldn't be as meaningful, however, if you said "Text Bill" or "Facebook Bill..... IM Bill ..... Chat Bill......Email Bill"

Also, side note, your CDs were a HIT! No pun intended, ha ha! Seriously, everyone LOVED them, and I just wouldn't say anything if this weren't so the case. Since I gave them the albums, we've been a Wendy Jans kind of office with all sorts of conversation about Wendy Jans tunes and Wendy Jans style and Wendy Jans vocals! Thanks, too (selfishly), because I feel like I have a little notoriety and fame just knowing your through our cool COFFEE project. :)

amy said...

WendyJ! You DO get a badge, a big blue badge of 1st place courage!

I really love your thoughts about friendship, too. I was just with the wife of a friend of my husband's the other night, and I kept thinking: I really, really just LIKE L. There were moments during bits of conversation where I felt like a big doofus and wondered if she was thinking I was a big doofus, too, and that maybe I should just watch it in future convos with her, but after reading what you just said here? My big doofus fears are all about me, and so I'm not going to do that. From now on, when I interact with people I like, I'm just going to like them no matter what. And L is really nice, and nice people usually like people anyway, even when they are big doofuses.

And so even though Bill did not call you back (big doofus), I'm glad he was still nice to you and gave you 2.43 minutes of catchup time so you can move the fudge on. And I think the fact you can still love someone even if they don't return the favor makes you a deeply valuable soul to the human race. And any Bill out there doesn't get that is a big doofus. But a big, lucky doofus because Wendy still loves them anyway, in spite of their big doofusiness.

I'm sorry I used the word doofus all over this comment, and I think I would like to sound like a demented swamp toad for at least a day, just so I could say: "Sorry I sound like a demented swamp toad."

GOOOOO, Wendy! High five, brave and good soul. May 2011 bring you nothing but awesomeness!

amy said...

Oh, AND: I'm also a phone phobe. Like, I would rather leave a voicemail for someone than actually have to talk to them. But when it's time to leave the voicemail, I never know what to say. I either leave really staccato, dumb messages or rambling, incomprehensible ones. But when I get someone on the phone, I'm okay....until I have to hang up (I mean, really REALLY have to hang up because the police are at my door or something) but I don't know how to exit gracefully, without hurting feelings or sounding like a big clod. I'm always so relieved when the other person ends the conversation.

AND (furthermore): I think P brought forth a good point: you did just raise the bar here, like 5000 feet. I am SO going to stop poking puppying around and start picking up my treadmill pace.

Wendy said...

I knew that Patresa was a phone phobe, but I didn't know we had so much company! That's so interesting. And that makes me feel better.

P, While I did accomplish the Call Bill project, I don't know that this is exactly equivalent to your much more lofty goals or all the other COFFEE chicks' goals. Mine was pretty finite and, well, tangibly-speaking, kinda easy. So don't feel pressure. I'm workin' the noggin to think up something with more depth and steps, next. Like maybe I'll go to the moon. Yes!

Tangy, that's funny that you said all that about 'text bill, email bill..." because that's almost exactly what I did. I was all "Call does not necessarily have to be taken literally, does it??" Oh and that's so super rad that your office liked my cd's. I'm so glad they didn't go over like a big Christmas turd. You know, I've been feeling really removed lately and hearing that people enjoy my music REALLY lifts my spirits. Thank you for that!

Amy. Your use of the word Doofus is unparalleled. I am going to incorporate the word "doofusiness" into regular convo from now on. BTW, he never did call back, so that word most definitely applies. (To either him or me, not sure which.) And also, if we ever do talk on the phone, I'm going to be sure to say something like "Well, my soup is burning so I better let you go". That way you won't have to worry about ending the phone call. That's right, I got yo' back.

Holly said...

Wendy, thanks for the shout out! I've definitely been putting things out there lately. I had a similar "call bill" project right before we started the COFFEE project. I didn't have 3 years in between and I didn't call. I wrote a four page letter, made him go to lunch with me, then read it to him. This was against the advice of most everyone I knew, including my therapist...what could I possibly want to accomplish from doing this they would ask? Well, I think you put one piece of it brilliantly, and I hadn't thought about it quite like this before...that friendships do not need to be based on recipricol liking. Kind of goes along with "don't give to receive"...and as you say, authenticity. I love it..
I'd also like to comment on the 2 min 43 second phone call. I had so many super short phone calls with my bill...I was always amazed when we got off the phone and realized how short it was. What's that about? The intensity? The feeling?
Ugh...I don't know.
I hope that you are feeling much more at peace as a result of your project and that we can roll on into 2011 feeling a bit lighter!! WOOT!

T-Free said...

You called Bill! THE BILL! You did it! So impressed and amazed and proud of and inspired by you, lady! Seriously. I gots the phone fear, and I gots it baaaaaaad. It is a definite phobia. Before the hubby, I kept my ringer off permanently, and would only check the answering machine once a day for messages. So I am really in awe of your bravery.

I am also so impressed by your positive attitude, and the fact that his not calling back didn't phase you a bit. Way to GO, Wendy!

Woo-hoooo! 2011 is going to be GRAND. :)