I CALLED BILL.
And it truly was thanks to you COFFEE chicks (and my fear of looking like a weenie) that I did it. If it weren’t for those factors, it would, most certainly, have remained a smudged artifact on my white board of shameful procrastination for the next decade.
So, being that this here’s my last post of 2010, I said to to myself “Lady, you need to kick this Call Bill project in the ever-lovin’ fanny. This thing does NOT need to drag into 2011. If you don’t get rid of the green beans on your plate, you’re never gonna have room for the meatballs.” So that’s what I did.
(Have I also mentioned that I am sooooo not a phone person? Seriously, I border of phone-phobic). Not only did he answer (to my surprise), but the anticipated awkward “hello?” was replaced with “WendyJ!”, like we’d just talked last week. Let me remind you that it’s been approximately three years of SILENCIO! (Holla Warden P!). But the call was so… natural that it was almost unnatural. It was like “so, what’s new”… oh I don’t know, in the past three years??? So, even tho my bronchitis resulted in my very first words sounding like a demented swamp toad, our conversation recovered and progressed amicably and, was really no different than it had ever been. Oh, I could dissect tones and word choices and perceived excitement levels to gauge our friendship’s current standing, but I would never dream of ruining a good thing with overanalysis… [bittah, bittah sarcasm]. No but seriously, I am choosing not to go that route.
It was a short conversation because he was in the middle of moving. In fact, the conversation only lasted 2 minutes and 43 seconds, ending with the promise that he’d call me back in 15 minutes.
He didn’t call me back. Which actually doesn’t bother me because in the end, it’s really not about whether someone likes you back as much as you like them, (which is a pretty superficial conclusion to draw anyway considering the amount of factors that can be involved in any given transaction), it’s about being authentic to yourself.
I’ve realized lately that friendships based on reciprocal liking, while human nature and all... can often compromise how you really feel and you can lose touch with yourself quickly that way. You have to just love someone as much as you do, and if they don’t return the favor, don’t stop. I mean, don't be a stalker or anything, but don't stop feeling the way you feel out of retaliation or imitation, because that's childish and often misguided.
And you know, that feels good. I am relieved with myself that I made the effort to reach out. That’s all I can really do. I would love it if he calls back, but if not, I can go to bed knowing that I did something. Noble? Badge-worthy? No. But it resolved a small ache in my soul, and that’s pretty invaluable.
Aaaaamen! Now let’s move the fudge on from the Call Bill project and everyone have a beautiful and peaceful Christmas, safe travels and delicious fudge.
2011 is gonna be OUR year!