:: WHY WE BE ::

Boo to false, self-imposed limits, we say. These champion oracles want to live enthusiastically. Follow our trip through projects that challenge, frustrate, and/or scare us. In the end (which is really the middle) we want to live like big bright free and authentically awesome people.

Thursday, December 9, 2010

Serendipitous OWLS?? (Holly)

I have finally completed my COFFEE profile.  If you've all been wondering who the hell this Holly chic is, you may now click my goofy blond wigged picture and find out a little bit about me, what's been going down in HY2010, and why I'm doing this project in HY2011. You'll also find out what kind of beer I like to drink.

A Poem by Rumi:
The breeze at dawn has secrets to tell.
Don't go back to sleep.
You must ask for what you really want.
Don't go back to sleep.
People are going back and forth across the doorsill
      Where the two worlds touch.
The door is round and open.
Don't go back to sleep.

Now on to the task at hand:

My Morning Pages Notebook
Morning Pages:  My love affair with the morning pages continues.  I have not missed a day since my last blog entry. The book this week talks about the morning pages helping to sort out the difference between our real feelings and our "official" feelings. Since the pages are to be stream of conscienceness, they tend to be very honest...and those "creeping" feelings will generally show up on the page.  As well as extreme emotions.  They are great for processing things, life.  "Over any considerable period of time, the mp's perform spiritual chiropractic.  They realign our values.  If we are to the left or the right of our personal truth, the pages will point out the need for a course adjustment. We will become aware of the drift and correct it-if only to hush the pages up."   I love this quote from the book and think that it really summarizes why I'm doing this course and writing these pages. Yes...I'm in the cauldron, yes, there's been a lot that has occurred in the last year that necessitates a good hard look at the next chapter of my life and how I want to live it. The pages help create clarity which is conducive to change.

Artist's Date:  I continue to suck rocks at the artist's date. Last week I used two shopping experiences as a cop-out for the artist's date.  I went to Trader Joe's for the first time last Friday night.  I was by myself. P said if I bought an exotic fruit or vegetable, that I had never bought before, AND THEN COOKED SOMETHING WITH IT, that could count. Well, I bought persimmons, but have done squat with them.  I also went in to the European Flavors grocery store and bought 6 different types of herring for the Christmas party on Sunday.  YUMMY!! While there I had a fabulous conversation with the owner on how most silly Iowans aren't into fish and what they're missing out on.  She then described the deliciousness of some sturgeon they just got in.  I will be serving it at the Boxing Day gathering. There's still time for an Artist Date this week.....

Chapter Musings:  I'm on Chapter 4 now- "Recovering a Sense of Integrity".  A lot of the chapter is about the power of the morning pages, which I've covered. But, there is much more in this chapter that spoke to me.  
1) The power of solitude.  Until we experience the FREEDOM of solitude, we cannot connect authentically.  Solitude v. Loneliness.  Is it a glass half empty/full issue?  It seems to be a theme that I've been encountering a lot at this point in my life.  I've been talking to several other people about loneliness too.  Pema Chodron writes a lot about loneliness in "When things Fall Apart".  A couple months ago, I experienced loneliness like I never had before.  This month, I truly am looking forward the Freedom of Solitude and connecting with my authentic self, and hence, my creativity.  It seems to be a theme with several COFFEE chics.  Multi-tasking is overrated.  Too much on plate=bad news and mixed up wires in Holly's head.
2) Search and Discard- Julia talks about the changes that are most likely occurring as a result of doing this course and the corresponding impulse to throw out old shit that has lost its purpose.  By so doing we make room for new possibilities.  I really think this might be my next project, women.  It will be gut-wrenchingly hard and painful, but uber therapeutic and practical all at the same time.   I will have a truly clean slate to work on the creation of quantities of cool shit.
3)  Dreams-Julia talks about an energy shift that is probably occurring at this point in the course and that I'll start remembering my dreams better.  I am very excited about this.  I actually really started remembering my dreams again about a year ago.  They are part of the reason why I felt like creating-it's how I wrote my second song, the Flood.  Last night I dreamed I was snow skiing.  Dream dictionary says, that dreaming about skiing can indicate "pushing yourself and putting your mental and/or physical ability to the test. You are your own fiercest competitor." Sweet. I don't think there's a song in there, but it certainly rings true for me.

Basic Principles: #2 is There is an underlying, in-dwelling creative force infusing all of life-including ourselves.  Well, I sure as hell hope so.  I'm kind-of banking on this principal to justify all the time I'm spending trying to find mine!!

Rules of the Road: #1 is Show up at the page. Use the page to rest, to dream, to try.  Word up, Julia! Best advice yet, and I really did cover it in the "morning pages" section.

Curmudgeons:  These little dudes haven't been as noisy this week.  Really my thoughts have been going something like this.....okay....fine....maybe there is a little creativity in there worth sharing and getting out.  Take care of the quantity, the universe or god will take care of the quality.  Well, jollyho, what exactly are you going to be doing? Writing? Photography? Writing what? Travel writing? Genealogical biography writing? Random short stories? Songs? Who the hell would sing them? How?  Now, having said that, I think I'm doing okay with just relaxing into the process and having faith that any future projects, and how to narrow them down and prioritize them, will come to me in due time.

Random:  Okay....there's something going on with me and Owls.  Not quite sure what it is yet.  They're everywhere and trying to tell me something. My morning pages notebook is an owl, I'm teaching a comprehensive sex ed class to middle schoolers called OWL (our whole lives), Benjamin's favorite book is a Dora book about La Lechuza (the Owl), and there were OWL statues staring at me when shopping at Homemakers last weekend.  No seriously, they were. Gently-but staring just the same.  Just when I forgot about the Owl, another one (or was it the same one?) would find me again.  So, I wrote about the OWLS in my morning pages. That very day, my friend was telling me about someone she met over the weekend.  I was certain that I needed to meet him too.  She said she tried to look him up on facebook, but he just had a picture of.....an OWL as his profile pic! The next day, two OWLS came into my house...
one via post (West Elm-a white ceramic OWL)

and one as a hostess/christmas gift-an OWL Ornament. 

Today...I bought another Owl from Target to go with my pine cone hedgehog. That has a funny story too.

It is not over with the Owls.  The Owls are trying to tell me something.  I will keep my eyes and ears open and let you know if I find anything else out.

Life after death:  I know it seems like a pipe dream, but this week I can't help thinking about balance.  Having a full, genuine and authentic life with an attempt at creating an environment conducive to achieving balance.  The next thing that comes to mind, to achieve this, is a calendar.  Oh, and a prayer board and mandalas! Let's have a COFFEE party and make prayer boards and mandalas. I'll bring the incense.  What will you bring?


Tanner May (Tanya) said...

I have such a sense that you are not only one strong little lady, but you are one strong soul. I commend you on your journey and all of your honesty. The "Search and Discard" hits a nerve, and I imagine many people could stand to "throw out old shit that has lost its purpose." Man, that is so true. True true true......

I vote yes on a COFFEE party. I like that you will make the prayer boards and mandalas. I will have to think on what would ADD, I mean really meaningfully ADD to this rock star of souls party, but in the meantime, I will commit to bringing wine. :)

Also, I quite like your owls..... oh, and I think your "pipe dream" is well on its way, Miss Holly.

Holly said...

Good morning Tanya! Thanks for your comments. Love it:)
About the COFFEE soiree- I'll bring materials for prayer boards and mandalas, but we'll each make our own:)
I'll bring some incence to burn...maybe some candles too.

Katie said...

Hi Holly! I so admire your committment to your morning pages. And I think it's cool that owls are sending you messages. The same thing happens to me, only with turtles. Only I'm not teaching a sex ed class called Turtle.

It really sounds like you are through the clarifying stages and well on your way through the streamlining stage. Cutting the shit and getting down to brass tacks. I like it! A little bit jealous of your ability to stick with something too, but mostly I like it :) Keep writing, I can't wait to read more!!

Oh, and to a COFFEE party I would probably bring some killer salsa. And definetely my camera....

T-Free said...

Ooooh... I am fascinated by the owls. Is that some sort of spirit guide, or a message from the universe for you?

Here's what answers.com says that owls symbolize:

"Owls symbolize wisdom, the ability to see things that are hidden, stealth, swiftness, darkness, freedom, dreams, shape-shifting, secrets, omens, clairvoyance, astral projection, magick, deception, observation, total truth, night, death and misfortune. They are connected to the Underworld and the Moon. They are connected to The Goddess in general, as well as Athena, Mari, Lilith, Anath, Gwynn ap Nudd, Blodeuwedd, Yama and Cailleach. Barn Owl: Barn owls are the ones who see without seeing and hear without hearing; the ones who can hear what is not spoken and ones that see things without physical sight. Owls can symbolize silence. Source: http://www.askyewolfe.com/symbolism-owl.html"

Wisdom, freedom, dreams, and silence. Pretty appropriate, eh?

Count me in on the prayer board and mandala COFFEE party! I will bring some lucky bamboo so we can remember to be flexible. And maybe a nice bottle of red wine. :)

Holly said...

What? No sex class called Turtle! That would be soooo cool! Incidentally, I am teaching OWL tonight. Everyweek the kids can put anonymous questions in the question box. Tonight I'll be answering these three: (sharing in the Katie spirit!!)
1. Why don't boys cross their legs like girls do?
2. How do lesbians have sex?
3. How do you have butt sex w/o getting poop on your dick?


Somehow thank god it's Friday isn't meaning as much to me right now!

patresa said...

1 very interesting thing about this post: literally and honestly, for the past week or so, i've been thinking about having a little party to make vision boards (i've been calling them vision boards, but i think it's the same as a prayer board). i mean, there would be wine and food and irreverence. but there would also be vision boards. and here, in your last paragraph (which i had no read, when i snooped into your draft), you have said the same thing. and so it will be done.

owl questions #3? when i was in middle school that question would never, ever, ever, have crossed my mind. never. kids these days!

i love the idea of animal guides. i think they make good guides, because they're so pure. plus, they're cute.

my great aunt wava ott (isn't that a great name? Wava Ott) collected owls. everything she owned had an owl on it. everything. i inherited a few of her owls.

maybe you should get an owl tattoo.

i'm so excited about your journey, holly. truly. it's inspiring and very cool.

finally, as i told you today, this makes me really want to go back and do the AW again. my portals might be clogged.

Katie said...

Holly, I love, I LOVE those questions. I think they are hilarious. Just friggin awesome. Thanks for sharing them, seriously.

Holly said...

Whoa....there's some major serendipity going on here. I was thinking the same thing about an Owl tatoo. Hmmmm....
K-Peace Mac....let's get planning the Vision Board party. It has to happen. Has to.

amy said...

I will bring the glue, scissors, and magazines, Holly! And I will stand over everybody do "ohm's" to help them meditatively focus on their innermost heart's desires!

I would like you to know that I am seeing owls everywhere I go now, EVERYwhere! I was picking up some coworker gifts at a local store this past weekend, and I really really wanted to snap pictures of all the owl stuff around me and send them to you. I do think they're trying to tell you something. (I once read? heard? that when you see an image or some numbers or anything in repetition over and over and over again, Something Big is trying to get your attention, and so you should perk up and keep your eyes & ears peeled and ready.)

I'm going to start Morning Pages...I may modify and do Evening Pages, though, but only because I'm such a bad waker upper. My MP's would be full of expletives and whiny stuff (not that my EP's won't be full of this as well, but at least everything will be spelled (mostly) correctly and not look like a drunkard scribbled them down after a long night's binge).

Melissa would be instantly best friends with Benjamin JUST for loving a Dora book. Clearly, a boy with fine tastes.

And in conclusion: you go Holly! Being devoted to Morning Pages is making me deeply admire you right now. Woo!

Steph said...

Oh, Holly... you said so much in this little post of yours! It truly spoke to me.
Balance - "having a fully, genuine and authentic life with an attempt at creating and environment conducive to achieving balance." Yes, indeed. It's a worthy endeavor we all aspire to, even if we don't realize it. I love this. Love it.
Your take on the chapter for this week, thank you. I know you wrote this just for me. The hair on my arms literally stood up when I read about your dream. I, too, have been dreaming about snow skiing, although it's always at night. Huh. Interesting what that might mean. And you know what, don't count out a song from that... you never know!
I saw the cutest owl tattoo at the gym a couple months ago. It looked very much like the owl from the old Tootsie Pop commercial, you know, the one the little boys asks about how many licks it takes to get to the center of the Tootsie Pop... "One, twoooo, th-reee.... CRUNCH!" (Okay, so perhaps I just showed my age, but I adored that commercial and that owl. The short little fat, distorted kid was kinda cute, too...) Anyway, I remember thinking what a great tat that was. This woman was twice my size and looked like she was about to eat her 50-lb dumbbell for a snack, so I didn't comment, but it sure made me curious!
Keep listening to and looking for the owls; it has to mean something!!! And keep rocking on your MPs... that's awesome!
To the COFFEE prayer/vision board party, I'll bring peanut butter-filled chocolate cookies and some really good coffee... and my lucky scissors... :) See ya there!

Steph said...

P.S. I so wish I could be a fly on the wall to watch you answer those three questions... ROTFL!