I’ve taken a bit of a nosedive lately. Nothing crazy awful has happened, but I’ve been dealing with a knee injury, which leaves me unable to receive my much counted on and adored daily therapy the past several weeks, and this feels crazy awful. Oprah has been famously quoted as saying, “Running is the greatest metaphor for life, because you get out of it what you put into it.” Running for me is truly the ONE PLACE, ONE WAY I am able to work through my thoughts and emotions in a fairly reasonable and productive way, and I believe, not be a completely erratic and ill-behaved person. Running is the ONE THING that, athletically, I’ve also actually performed quasi-well throughout my life. I love sports, but if we’re being honest here, I really have never been anything more than average, and I played a ton of Junior Varsity Basketball in high school. It has only been after high school that I found a super cool friend and therapist in Running (insert glorious music here). I once even ran into my former high school gym teacher at a 10K in college, and she was SHOCKED to see me there. I know this because she rambled on and on, and on and on about how I was the last person she’d ever expect to see participating in any race. Come to think of it, I believe I just smiled back at the comment, but inside, I was like “Okay lady, I got it. I was a lazy cheesy butt in high school. No-ted.”
So anyway, without my running friend and therapist, I have been a little off my roller chair and have merged hallways illegally over to the cranky-dark-gloomy-feel-sorry-for-myself side of the building….a tad anyway. What am I supposed to do, Oprah?!! I’ve been trying to keep my chin up, smile nicely, obsess as minimally as possible and not freak out that my running muscles are withering away as fast as I type this (which with all due respect to myself, I should mention I am a killer fast typist), and after weeks of sharp pain, and even a few weeks of absolutely no running and only walking, I bought a (stupid) knee brace. I first walked with this (stupid) knee brace, and I thought, “Hey, ok, I think the knee brace engineer people know a little bit what they’re doing,” and the next day, I began running. I ran 4 slow miles, and I WAS FLIPPING ELATED (insert more music and jumping cheerleaders doing multiple aerials)!! I cannot express just how my mood sprung high, the birds began chirping, the weather actually warmed up (briefly), and I felt on top of the World of Nice again, and I’ve ran 4 slow miles each day since that glorious moment a few days ago…. with my (stupid) knee brace. However, as I type this, my knee is throbbing, and I have visions of punching this computer screen to oblivion, as well as thoughts of maybe even yelling at a stranger if they dare look at me with any pity in response to my notable limp and pseudo working knee (insert Dracula or The Shining music here). Of course, I won’t do any of that, and I won’t even cry despite really wanting to throw a tantrum right-this-very-second.
I know this knee injury will heal. I know what to do. I’ve been down this slow road before, and I know it’s going to take a few months, not weeks. I actually did buy a Jillian Michaels yoga DVD this weekend, and I think I may even do it. I have several yoga DVDs that I actually quite love despite not spending any face to face time with them in the past year(s), but I thought I needed a serious kick booty new DVD to get me motivated and distracted from my good friend and therapist, Running. I know we need a break, some relationships just do sometimes. In the process, I’m also hopeful that my legs and butt won’t turn to mush, which of course in my brain they’ve already done to some degree (and maybe I already had mush, but so not the point). I also swear the whole thing makes me shorter, for reals shorter, not to mention my weak arms. I seriously soooo had Welcome to the Gunshow for arms before this injury (wink wink), totally. So basically, I just need to complain and grieve my injury right now, and I am using this forum to do this very silly shallow job. (Am I supposed to be focusing on some goals or something??) It is also providing me with some nice self indulgent therapy, thank you COFFEEs. BUT, I proclaim, I will wear my BRace during anything resembling a work out, try not to run, and stop being so stupid.
Identified goals are good one way or another….. and relationships are very hard.
Tangy T-Bop Walker
Pseudo Athlete Extraordinaire Who WILL Race Again, BRace or No Brace