:: WHY WE BE ::

Boo to false, self-imposed limits, we say. These champion oracles want to live enthusiastically. Follow our trip through projects that challenge, frustrate, and/or scare us. In the end (which is really the middle) we want to live like big bright free and authentically awesome people.

There was an error in this gadget

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

BRace Yourself, T. Don't be Stupid. (Tanya)

I’ve taken a bit of a nosedive lately. Nothing crazy awful has happened, but I’ve been dealing with a knee injury, which leaves me unable to receive my much counted on and adored daily therapy the past several weeks, and this feels crazy awful. Oprah has been famously quoted as saying, “Running is the greatest metaphor for life, because you get out of it what you put into it.” Running for me is truly the ONE PLACE, ONE WAY I am able to work through my thoughts and emotions in a fairly reasonable and productive way, and I believe, not be a completely erratic and ill-behaved person. Running is the ONE THING that, athletically, I’ve also actually performed quasi-well throughout my life. I love sports, but if we’re being honest here, I really have never been anything more than average, and I played a ton of Junior Varsity Basketball in high school. It has only been after high school that I found a super cool friend and therapist in Running (insert glorious music here). I once even ran into my former high school gym teacher at a 10K in college, and she was SHOCKED to see me there. I know this because she rambled on and on, and on and on about how I was the last person she’d ever expect to see participating in any race. Come to think of it, I believe I just smiled back at the comment, but inside, I was like “Okay lady, I got it. I was a lazy cheesy butt in high school. No-ted.”

So anyway, without my running friend and therapist, I have been a little off my roller chair and have merged hallways illegally over to the cranky-dark-gloomy-feel-sorry-for-myself side of the building….a tad anyway. What am I supposed to do, Oprah?!! I’ve been trying to keep my chin up, smile nicely, obsess as minimally as possible and not freak out that my running muscles are withering away as fast as I type this (which with all due respect to myself, I should mention I am a killer fast typist), and after weeks of sharp pain, and even a few weeks of absolutely no running and only walking, I bought a (stupid) knee brace. I first walked with this (stupid) knee brace, and I thought, “Hey, ok, I think the knee brace engineer people know a little bit what they’re doing,” and the next day, I began running. I ran 4 slow miles, and I WAS FLIPPING ELATED (insert more music and jumping cheerleaders doing multiple aerials)!! I cannot express just how my mood sprung high, the birds began chirping, the weather actually warmed up (briefly), and I felt on top of the World of Nice again, and I’ve ran 4 slow miles each day since that glorious moment a few days ago…. with my (stupid) knee brace. However, as I type this, my knee is throbbing, and I have visions of punching this computer screen to oblivion, as well as thoughts of maybe even yelling at a stranger if they dare look at me with any pity in response to my notable limp and pseudo working knee (insert Dracula or The Shining music here). Of course, I won’t do any of that, and I won’t even cry despite really wanting to throw a tantrum right-this-very-second.

I know this knee injury will heal. I know what to do. I’ve been down this slow road before, and I know it’s going to take a few months, not weeks. I actually did buy a Jillian Michaels yoga DVD this weekend, and I think I may even do it. I have several yoga DVDs that I actually quite love despite not spending any face to face time with them in the past year(s), but I thought I needed a serious kick booty new DVD to get me motivated and distracted from my good friend and therapist, Running. I know we need a break, some relationships just do sometimes. In the process, I’m also hopeful that my legs and butt won’t turn to mush, which of course in my brain they’ve already done to some degree (and maybe I already had mush, but so not the point). I also swear the whole thing makes me shorter, for reals shorter, not to mention my weak arms. I seriously soooo had Welcome to the Gunshow for arms before this injury (wink wink), totally. So basically, I just need to complain and grieve my injury right now, and I am using this forum to do this very silly shallow job. (Am I supposed to be focusing on some goals or something??) It is also providing me with some nice self indulgent therapy, thank you COFFEEs. BUT, I proclaim, I will wear my BRace during anything resembling a work out, try not to run, and stop being so stupid.

Identified goals are good one way or another….. and relationships are very hard.

Yours Truly,

Tangy T-Bop Walker
Pseudo Athlete Extraordinaire Who WILL Race Again, BRace or No Brace


patresa said...

oh tanya. i know what running is to you, so i can only imagine you must be coming out of your skin. that STINKS!

also: i am intimately familiar with knee issues. i've had to wear a brace every time i run for… well, since july, i guess. and i took the last 3 weeks off running to get it straightened out while i poured glucosamine down my throat.

speaking of: are you taking glucosamine? icing? i've also had luck with an herbal anti-inflammatory supplement called Zyflamend (you'll find it at a health food store or online, probably). it takes about 30 days to build up in your system, but once it does, i think it's good stuff.

i like this yoga idea. in fact, maybe this is a good time to diversify your wellspring!


Steph said...

I can totally relate to the frustration about not being able to run... my lungs just won't cooperate. Too much crud in there that doesn't belong. ARGH!
I can also relate to the whole throbbing knee thing. I haven't had a knee surgery since Dec 2001 (my 4th) and am overdue for it to be scoped again and cleaned out, but it's going to wait until I've completed this half. It has to. It will.
I was laughing as I envisioned your encounter w/Bogina at a race... I can so see the look on her face and the look on yours as you tried not to kick her in her skinny runner's butt!
Speaking of butts, shut up. I've seen your little toned bikini body, and I am CONVINCED (you'll never convince me otherwise) it's gonna take a whole lot more than a few weeks to mushify your mus-kells! Give yourself a little more credit than that! Do that yoga, and keep selling tickets to the gun show. All will be well.
Proud of you for purchasing that yoga dvd... you'll rock it, I'm sure!
Hang in there, and say NO to the Dark Side. You're so far above living there. Enjoy the little day trip, and get back in the positivity saddle. You can DO it! :)
Love ya, Tangy-T, and hang in there!

Tanner May (Tanya) said...

Thanks P! I will try those things. You are full of wise and productive information!! :) I am going to go to the store THIS WEEKEND. I will give you an update soon Sister P-rescription.

Steph, I will send you all kinds of healing vibes. You are so amazing! What am I complaining about anyway... geez!
Also, remember Mrs. Davis? That's who I ran the race with in college who was appalled I was a contender. It was hilarious! And man, running with Bogina would have been so cool!!!!

Really, thanks for all the kind words ladies. :)

amy said...

Tanya, you are an inspiration to this couch slug, with and without a knee brace. I so admire people who love running (or any kind of physical activity, for that matter) so deeply they can feel their muscles turning to mush without it...right now, I want to BE you. Even if you're mushy and everything.

I've heard that Jillian Michaels chick is a total crazy drill seargent on her 90 Day Shred DVDs--she can make a person's buns cry for weeks. I can only imagine what her yoga DVDs are like...I bet Jillian and her drill seargent yoga will totally keep your arms all Welcome to the Gunshow.

You can complain and grieve to me any time, any time. Oprah would let you cry on her shoulder, too, I just know it. Oprah, Amy, and your other COFFEE peeps: got your back, pseudo athlete with a brace.

Katie said...

Tanya, you are not stupid. Your knee brace may be stupid, but you are not. Also, what Stephany said. All of it - she clearly has known you for a while, and this is when long-time friends get to say what she said. So, I'm with that chick.

Also, I have such admiration for your inner drive to DO something. I think we all could get to that point - I was there at one time during the last year in panic over the wedding - but it has faded and now I am complacently accepting my "This way to the exit of the gun show" arms. I want, want, want, to get back to that but it feels like such a hill to climb. So, knee brace or no knee brace, I am in appropriate awe at your drive to move around vigorously. I wish I could mainline it right to my cheesy-lazy butt.

Either way, YOU will give that Jillian M. a (hypothetical!) run for her money! Yoga is all tantric and stuff, so maybe it will also help you organize thoughts and clear your head. Worth a shot!!

Chin up girlie! Come back over to the hallways painted with butterflies and peaches! They're calling for yoooooouuuuuuu!

T-Free said...

Oh no! T-Bop! We *hate* injuries! I am so sorry your knee is giving you trouble, lady. I am a lifelong occasional runner/always walker, for the same brain-therapeutic reasons you list here, and can no longer do it because of a foot tendon injuries (resulting from a car accident last summer... long story). I have been going nutty trying to find another stress-venting outlet, but nothing is the same mentally as putting in some miles on the treadmill. I know exactly what you are talking about, and I hope your knee heals quickly and COMPLETELY so you can get back to running without pain. Like, all the time, and stuff, and junk.

Big ups for being a fast typist. I am a hunting and pecking typing chicken, so I am in awe of your mad keyboard skillz. Go, Tanya! Type like the wind! :)

And you WILL race like the wind again too. You WILL. It's just a temporary setback. Don't forget. Not forever, not forever, not forever. Keep your chin up, you amazing cup of COFFEE, and I'll be sending your poor knee healing runner vibes from Okie Land.