Balance has been a common thread among the coffee posts, so I decided to take a little inventory and boy is my balance way out of whack. A quick online search yields many interactive "balance wheels of life." Here’s my lowdown on the most common categories.
Physical health: Check. Between good luck, good genes, hard work and exercise, I’m very fortunate to be healthy.
Physical environment: Check. I own a cute little bungalow and it’s full of fluffy white Charlie hair. Despite the lack of an ocean, Des Moines is a pretty nice place and has grown on me over the years.
Career: Check. Despite my best efforts to not know what I want to be when I grow up, my experiences over the last 20 years have combined nicely and led me to a field and a job that is a pretty good fit for me. And I was recently accepted to the DNP program at Iowa so my next goal of becoming a nurse practitioner is in the works.
Financial: Check. I feel pretty secure in this area. Would like to spend more money on travel and less on student loans, but that’s OK, I can deal.
Community/Social/Recreation: I have many acquaintances and any number of people I can call to go on a bike ride or grab a beer or a glass of wine. But I seem to be getting less out of those activities than I used to. Which leads me to another common theme, distraction. I'd like to find a little more meaning in my social outlets. Speaking of, I'm proud to be part of the COFFEE community.
Friends/Family: I need to do a little work here. I have a lot of wonderful people in my life, but I may have been pushing them away… not sure why… It's always been important to me to be a strong independent woman and rely on myself. I don’t like to need people. I don’t like to seem weak, so I don’t reach out to people when I feel weak. I also have this belief that if people are interested in what I think or feel or need they will ask. If they don't ask, they don't want to know. So I won't bother or burden them with my opinions, my thoughts, my stuff. So I wait for people to approach me, engage me. And if they don't, I think no one loves me and I'm all alone in the world. That makes me kind of grouchy and then people really don't want to be around me so I isolate and really do become all alone in the world. Vicious cycle.
Romance/Significant Other: Ugh. Why is this so hard? My past relationships have typically been distractions, fun little diversions from work and school and life, etc. But I haven’t really put the work into figuring out what I want and expressing it to a partner, or finding out what my partner wants either. Relationships are hard work, I know that. I’m finally ready to put that work in, but where are the hot, single, straight guys?!? I'm taking a much needed break from the online dating scene so am back to square 1.
Spirituality: Hmmm. My purpose, my calling, the meaning of life? I got nothing. It seems that many people live their lives for their children or their God. I have neither. As a 38-year-old agnostic women without a ticking biological clock, what is my purpose? I’ve never felt the need for either children or God and I’m trying to figure out what that means for me, if anything.
So, I’m about 50/50. There's a lot of positive in my life and I have to remember that. Lately I've been focusing on the empty half of the glass. That approach seems to throw into question/chaos all the good that is in my life. I've been second guessing my career and my decision to go back to school again and my decision to move back to Des Moines and everything else. So, I've got a lot of work to do. I have 4 very important categories that are sorely lacking. But I also have to keep it all in perspective. It's not necessary to scratch everything I have and start over. I'm half way there. And I love a challenge. And I love the COFFEE chicks.