:: WHY WE BE ::

Boo to false, self-imposed limits, we say. These champion oracles want to live enthusiastically. Follow our trip through projects that challenge, frustrate, and/or scare us. In the end (which is really the middle) we want to live like big bright free and authentically awesome people.




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Saturday, November 20, 2010

Better Late Than Never (Holly)

My apologies, ladies, for my delay in participating.  When describing my life as it is right now to a dear friend and mentor, he says that clearly I am in the "cauldron" right now.  My life as I knew it just a mere year ago is barely visible.  So, then, what to do with that? Dive in deeper into the cauldron.  That's what. Find out what is hiding deep deep within.  Is there somebody creative down there? Or am I just a shadow artist? An appreciator of art.  

I chose to do the Artist's Way project for this group.  Then, I got overwhelmed and quit.  Well, kind-of quit. I kept doing my morning pages, most of the time.  But I hadn't figured out how to do the rest of the projects and assignments.  As I mentioned, part of the challenge is rearranging my life.  How will it look? What will stay the same? What needs to change? Am I really creative or is it a bunch of bullshit?  Is this the right project, cuz why would I be "afraid" of the Artist's Way? Certainly, it's a challenge, but, afraid?  Well, I have come to the conclusion that yes, I am afraid of the Artist's Way and I am afraid of posting about my journey through the Artist's Way.  

Week 1 of the Artist's Way has the reader identify "your enemy within: core negative beliefs".  Here are mine:

I can't be a successful, prolific, creative artist because: 
1. I'm too old, 
2. I'm not smart enough, 
3. my productions will be TOO cheesy, 
4. I don't have enough time or energy to FOCUS!, 
5. artist's are born, not made.

I chose eight affirmations to counter these curmudgeons! They are:
1. My creativity heals myself and others;
2. I am allowed to nurture my artist;
3. Through the use of a few simple tools, my creativity will flourish;
4. My creativity leads me to forgiveness and self-forgiveness;
5. As I listen to the creator within, I am led.
6. My creativity always leads me to truth and love;
7. I am willing to learn to let myself create;
8. I am willing to experience my creative energy.

In addition, I have latched on to a poem by Hafiz called "To Build a Swing".  It reminds me of this group and gives me strength.  It is here:

You carry
All the ingredients
to turn your life into a nightmare-
don't mix them!!

You have all the genius
To build a swing in your backyard
For god.

That sounds 
Like a hell of a lot more fun.
Let's start laughing, drawing blueprints,
Gathering our talented friends.

I will help you
with my divine lyre and drum.

Hafiz
will sing a thousand words
You can take into your hands,
Like golden saws,
Silver hammers.

Polished teak wood,
Strong silk rope.

You can carry all the ingredients,
To turn your existence into joy.

Mix them, mix them!!!

So, in the end....I'm starting the Artist's Way over.  My brother is doing it with me this time and we will do it in the 12 weeks that it suggests.  (I was thinking of doing it in 24) He has been an amazing support so far and I can't wait to go on this journey with him and the ladies of COFFEE!!

9 comments:

patresa said...

inaugural holly post is a great one!

so glad you're doing artist's way. i absolutely 100% believe in your creative spirit. unleash her!

you introduced me to hafiz. had never read anything until you brought a different poem to the hair cutting party. that one was something about splitting a sack (?). but i looked for more and found another one that i read routinely for a while -- the one about don't speak gently to me… and God might like to throw us around the room sometimes.

i'm glad you're here, ms. holly. you bring lots and lots of very cool stuff.

Tanner May (Tanya) said...

Holly, I'd never even heard of Artist's Way until your post. How cool is this ~ I think it's way way cool you're doing it! I dig just about everything I read on her site, and I'm going to have to look up some of Julia Cameron's books for further research. I love what she says in the guidelines too. My favorite was "Be Self-Loving.......Continually seek your own inner guidance rather than outer guidance."

I can't wait to read more, Holly! Mix it up!

amy said...

Holly, I'm so GLAD you're here!

1-The Artist's Way: I have this book. I briefly started morning pages and then stopped (I did this with Nanowrimo, too--briefly started, then stopped). I think this indicates I have severe adult onset ADD. Because I was nowhere near any type of Life Cauldron when I lost focus.

2-I love Hafiz. And Rumi, and Kalil Gibran. All those Mid-Eastern-y guys.

3-I really think everyone has an artist inside of them, and the more you work at it (some people are able to do this very diligently, and some approach it here and there in spots throughout life) the more it comes out. It's a process, but it's there.

4-I have a huge curmudgeon inside of me too, regarding your curmudgeon #4.

5-I love that you're doing this with your brother. That part made me too happy--company always makes scary things much funner (not less scary, but way more fun).

6--Yay! You're HERE!! Rock it, Holly.

:-)

T-Free said...

It's Holly! Woo-hoo!

I really enjoyed reading your words and learning more about The Artist's Way. I've heard of it, but never heard much about it. It sounds really helpful. I share most of your core negative beliefs, and I loved your positive affirmations.

Yay! Go Holly! I can't wait to hear more about your COFFEE Project journey. :)

-Tawni

blj said...

Welcome, Holly!

One of the things I've always admired about you is your ability to define what you want and go for it. So I have no doubt you will get out of the Artist's Way exactly what you need to get out of it. And I'm also excited for you and Joe to experience some sibling bonding! Have fun with it!

Becky

Holly said...

Thanks for your comments! They're so great! Amy, I have a book of Rumi's poems, but not the other dude. I'll have to check him out. I'm not a huge poetry fan, but these really speak to me. I'm really going to work on those crumudgeons! The focus one is actually a lot better when I do the 3 pages of stream of conscienceness morning writing. It's absolutely amazing how helpful they are.

Doing it with my brother has made all the difference and is so cool for our relationship. About the time we finish the program, he'll be a father for the first time! Yay!

Steph said...

Hey! Super post! Was worth any waiting that may/may not have been done...
I love your mentor's description of where you are, and I would say that I, too, am clearly in the CAULDRON of life. That paints such a picture, and it's spot on, I'd say.
I think it's great that you have secured help and a partner in the process of facing your fears about doing what you feel you need to do and what you want to do! Accountability, companionship, and shared experience make such a difference. I love that you're honest not just about the process but also about putting your feelings and results out there! I hear you! Yes.
Even though you have this list of five core negative beliefs, which sound like so many of ours, too, I so admire your EIGHT affirmations to combat those FIVE little negatives! Way to attack! Cling to 'em, and I can't wait to hear more about what happens in your world.

Steph said...

Hey! Super post! Was worth any waiting that may/may not have been done...
I love your mentor's description of where you are, and I would say that I, too, am clearly in the CAULDRON of life. That paints such a picture, and it's spot on, I'd say.
I think it's great that you have secured help and a partner in the process of facing your fears about doing what you feel you need to do and what you want to do! Accountability, companionship, and shared experience make such a difference. I love that you're honest not just about the process but also about putting your feelings and results out there! I hear you! Yes.
Even though you have this list of five core negative beliefs, which sound like so many of ours, too, I so admire your EIGHT affirmations to combat those FIVE little negatives! Way to attack! Cling to 'em, and I can't wait to hear more about what happens in your world.

Corey ♪ Linstrom said...

Hey Holly, you sure know how to bare your soul and demand strength to flow your way. As long as you prioritize your dreams you'll live them, right?

Though most people share the same insecurities like I'm too old and...
Remember, Leonardo painted the Mona Lisa at 51. So keep your glass half full (or more). I really like what your blog says, "In the end (which is really the middle) we want to live like big bright free and awesome people." Be happy! You're doing it!