:: WHY WE BE ::

Boo to false, self-imposed limits, we say. These champion oracles want to live enthusiastically. Follow our trip through projects that challenge, frustrate, and/or scare us. In the end (which is really the middle) we want to live like big bright free and authentically awesome people.

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Random Thoughts by Becky

So, I’ve been a big blob of inaction. BIG BLOB. I’ve made very little progress on nanowrimo. It’s been so long since I’ve written anything for it that I don’t even remember if it was before or after my last post. I’m still perseverating about the things that I wish I would do, but that I can’t find the motivation for. We’ve already established that I wish I would write more. Here’s a short list of some other things about me that annoy me.
  1. I hit the snooze on my alarm for. . . oh . . . I don’t know . . . . about an hour! Every morning! Pathetic. Get up and get going!
  2. I haven’t posted one comment on the fabulous writings of the COFFEE chicks. I read them, I love them, I admire them. I’m impressed and awed and moved by them. But for whatever reason, I feel like I’ve got nothing to say.
  3. I’m incredibly unorganized. In fact, I was voted Least Organized, Boone High School, Class of 1990.This has worked well for me for 37 of my 38 years. But it seems to have either taken a turn for the worse or it has suddenly become problematic. I think my mind is more fragmented, scattered lately, thus it can no longer keep up with my organizational “system” or lack thereof.
  4. I seem to spend a lot of time waiting for something to happen. Not sure what. If I know what I want to happen, I’m usually pretty good at making it happen, but I currently am just not all that excited about anything. So I wait . . . .
On the flip side, there are some things I do that make me feel good.
  1. I swam 2.4 miles this morning. I hooked up with this group of swimmers at the Y who are training for 100 100’s on 100 seconds on New Year’s Eve Day. In other words, 100 yards every minute and 40 seconds, 100 times. I started swimming with them last week. Today we did 48 and will add more each Sunday. My lane alternated 75’s and 100’s for 4200 yards or 2.4 miles. Whew. Great workout. I may even go for the 100 100’s on Dec 31.
  2. I have posted 3 coffee blogs! I was really, really tempted to blow blogging off today, but I didn’t, and for that I’m proud. The fact that I’m doing this at all is kinda scary. I mean, anybody can read what I’m writing. I usually keep these random thoughts pretty close to the vest.
I’m sensing the common thread or motivator on list #2 is a sense of community. Since my self-motivation seems to be on sabbatical, I need to rely on others for a little mojo. I would never swim that far or long by myself, but time goes pretty fast with a group of swimmers (even when your arms suddenly weight 100 pounds each). And you see how well nanowrimo is going left to my own devices. But it’s the COFFEE community that got me writing this blog today, even though I could have easily taken a nap or watched Glee (while commiserating about why I have no musical talent).

So I’m going to cut myself a break on nanowrimo and concentrate on interacting with my community and finding new ways to overcome my current “life-is-a-crapshoot-philosophy .” I will post comments to the COFFEE chicks. I will engage and fully participate. And I will also work on finding a new focus for my COFFEE project. Because I know this whining about my mid-life crisis (?) is going to get really old, really fast.


patresa said...

oh, becky. lord almighty, do we have a lot in common. you are 1000 times more adventurous than i am, but many things you expressed in this post might as well have come out of my own head.

a few highlights:

pushing snooze for an hour. yes. i always set my alarm at least 2 snoozes before i really need to get up, because i know myself.

waiting for something to happen. yes. i have felt psychically fatigued by this regularly.

reading posts, marveling, relating, enjoying, but having nothing to say in response. yep. recently, i've been doing that a lot with emails, too. i think the only reason it isn't happening here is because i started the group, so that would be peculiar.

nano… i'm at 3,400-ish words and don't intend to write any more.

i don't know what it is or why it is. marinating? gathering thoughts? soul resting. i don't know. but i know that physical goals tend to jar things loose for me sometimes. i wonder if your swimming goal will work the same for you.

i also wonder if there's a class you might like taking. continuing ed or a class at the art center or something. i'm going to look for one. maybe we can do one together!

and one more thing. amy of COFFEE-AMY fame, once told me about a cool thing she did for a while. AMY! correct or elaborate here if you wish! -- every night before she went to bed, she would write x number of things she was grateful for that day, and then she would write 3 things she wanted. she did this every night until things started crystalizing--inventorying what she had and where she wanted to go.

i like you, becky. you're a cool cat. we should have a vision board party.

patresa said...

p.s. katie is a big time swimmer, too! the next time katie visits, the three of us will go to a pool, and you and katie can show off your flashy flip turns while i dog paddle.

Holly said...

I'd like to go and dog paddle too! Becky, soooo glad you blogged today instead of watching Glee! I think you're on the right track with sticking with the swimming folks and the coffee chicks! What about doing the Artist's Way too? Or, I also like the grateful/what you want idea. Grateful lists are uber powerful. One of the non-negotiables for Artist's Way is the morning pages-3 pages of stream of conscienceness writing. Since I've been doing them, I have experience so much more focus and understanding of my own needs and desires. I'd highly recommend them. Stick with it my love! We will get so much out of it as well as we'll all get so much out of your journey! HUGS

amy said...

Becky, I don't think you should feel poopy at all about anything in your Things that Annoy Me list. (They had a LEAST Organized category at your high school?? Holy malolely--if we'd had Least categories, I'd have won at least 5 of those.)

I will tell you that a co-worker/friend stopped me the other morning and told me she was really enjoying your posts because of the nanowrimo challenge--she starts nanowrimo projects a lot herself and has a hard time with it, too. That nano thing is a gut buster for a lot of people. I think it's a sign of being well-tuned with yourself when you recognize when something's busting your gut.

And yes--wow! I totally forgot about that nightly gratitude write-it-down project thing. I think I got that from Elizabeth Gilbert (EAT PRAY LOVE author), when she did Oprah's show.

Another cool idea I once heard about from a writer I did a workshop with once was to always have Do Be Have list--X number of things you want to Do, X number of things you want to Be, X number of things you want to Have. Kind of like a bucket list, I guess, but more specific. Like, on my list was under Do was "swim with dolphins" (did that on my honeymoon). Some of the items can be wildly far-fetched (like having tea with the Queen of England) (what? what? I really want to hang out with Queen Elizabeth some day), and some can be totally within your reach (like swimming 100 100's on 100 seconds on New Year's Eve).

That might be a good thing to think about. Also, it sounds like you are socially-oriented person who craves that supportive push other people can give each other--I bet you could totally form a mid-life (?) crisis/life-is-a-crapshoot women's group and help figure each other out (or, alternately, just post a new blog on COFFEE and we'll kick your butt/offer supportive hugs/whatever you need most that day).


Steph said...

A friend said something to me last week. I found it random, but now I think it might have been because someone somewhere knew I'd read your post today. I dared complain about my own lack of organization and the fact that I had procrastinated on a "thing" at work (again!). She just laughed at me and said, "that's who Steph is. Love her already! You drive yourself nuts but you get stuff done, and you're really a good egg." I recall rolling my eyes are her and thinking I knew something "fun" she could do with that egg.
It wasn't until I read your post that I could see what she was saying to me. The procrastination IS just part of me, and I'm never going to be an uber-organized sort. It's really not me. Just like you are an unorganized snooze-hitter... You drive yourself nuts with this stuff (I totally get it!), but you are accomplishing things and are very much a good egg! SO... given that fact, do cut yourself that break, and LOVE BECKY! Yes, ma'am! Do it!

MID-LIFE CRISIS!?!?! Maybe that's it! What an aha moment! Isn't it interesting that all of us are close in age and each of us is experiencing that gut-level desire to do more, be more, have more... If that's what we're all going through, what a relief to have an official diagnosis! This COFFEE business is a much better antidote for that ailment than the convertible and the 18-year-old bimbo! :)
Hang in, and thanks so much for choosing us over GLEE! :)

blj said...

Thanks, everyone! OK, P, I appreciate the sentiment, but 2 snoozes isn't nearly as pathetic as 6, which is my average. But I'm into the swimming with Katie and class taking suggestions! And I dig that you think I'm a cool cat. Holly and Amy, I also like the stream of consciousness, gratitude journal, and do-be-have ideas. Maybe if I put a notebook by my bed, I can do some of those between snoozes . . . And thanks Steph for calling me a good egg. I love that expression and use it often! I needed that.