So I’ve been a little stumped ever since the balance exercise from my last blog. And that balance exercise was much harder than tree pose or half moon pose, yet nowhere near as hard as the WTF?! pose, I’m sure! (and I apologize for the bad yoga humor). Anyway, it seems that I’m ok with the tangible stuff. The first four categories… job, house, money, health… you either have it or you don’t. Sure it’s fragile and can be fleeting and temporary, but it is all stuff that’s pretty easy on which one can rely only on oneself, no? On the other hand, the next 4 categories… social outlets, family, friends, lovers, a higher power... seem to involve intimacy and community. They are essentially about RELATIONSHIPS. You have to depend on other PEOPLE (or powers) for satisfaction in those areas. You can’t do that stuff alone.
But I’m surprised that my wheel came out skewed in this way. That’s not how I thought of myself. I’ve always believed I’ve been able to get my energy from other people; always thought I worked better in groups. I imagine people would describe me as flexible, forgiving, willing to compromise, non-judgmental, basically pretty easy to get along with and even fun to have around. I used to consider myself a fairly social, well-liked person that most people thought was a good addition to almost any social gathering. I used to like to be in the middle of the action, always hated to feel like I was missing out on something. My college roommates still me tease me about missing stuff just so they can see me get riled up. But the thing is… I don’t get so riled up anymore. I seem to be going through a... phase?... where I don’t so much like people. They disappoint. I know this is not a good place to be nor is it a good thing to admit on a public blog. When did I become a cynical introvert? And why? And what do I need that I’m not getting and how do I get it? I understand it’s probably more my issue than anybody else’s.
I think American society is interesting and weird. Our need for privacy and solitude and independence is very foreign to so many other cultures around the world. When I lived in Madagascar, I was never alone. No one was ever alone. It just didn’t happen. There was no translation for the word--let alone the concept--of privacy. Yet here, living on your own is highly valued. Someone in their 30s living with their parents or other extended family members? Loser!! But this is the norm many other places. I'm not saying one is better than the other, just different. Both have their place, their pros and cons.
I live alone and own all the things one needs to live alone (dishes, car, shelter, etc.). One of my friends lives alone around the corner, my brother lives alone a mile away, I have at least three other friends who live alone less than 10 miles away. I am NOT saying I want to live in a commune with all these people, yet it does seem impractical and a waste of resources. But I wouldn't give up my space, my freedom, my independence. Solitude is a good thing. I just think it’s interesting that our society is set up this way. And I’m trying to figure out what it means that I’m often lonelier when I’m around people than when I’m by myself.
I don’t have much of a point for today’s blog, just confused ramblings. Did any of it make any sense to anyone? Later COFFEE sisters. Until next time…