:: WHY WE BE ::

Boo to false, self-imposed limits, we say. These champion oracles want to live enthusiastically. Follow our trip through projects that challenge, frustrate, and/or scare us. In the end (which is really the middle) we want to live like big bright free and authentically awesome people.

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Monday, March 21, 2011

you don't have to be a painted street mime. (patresa)

I feel a little lost and sideways, frankly. I've been busy the last few weeks, and I don't do "busy" well. I understand my version of busy looks like a really nice break for many. Regardless, my own personal threshold for activity has always been pretty low, so it still effects me. I get twisted and bunched, and then I scatter. I forget my center, and I lose tune. It's all very tragic (please read sarcasm).

In the time since my last post, I was to:

  1. Draft a new little bird big tree storybook (as a benchmark toward having a portfolio of at least 3 completed.).
  2. Spell out an idea to fellow COFFEE mates about my new vision for us. 

I'm off to a slow start.

Haven't touched little bird big tree.

And although I revealed, more or less, where I want to take COFFEE, I didn't do it with the specifics and the tangible blueprint I'd intended. I do have one in my head. It will just take time to show you. It will require putting together a website.

I'm not overly worried about the slow start. If I recall, my open mic project started pretty slow, also. Eventually, I just got sick of myself and did it. I assume the same will happen here. So, I guess I'll just repeat those goals for the next 3 weeks.

I'll say, also, that I feel a little more fire under my tush about it. I firmly believe that any job on the planet can be performed with creativity and enthusiasm. You don't have to be a painted street mime in order to say you are creative. A big part of my job is analyzing data--the number kind. I feel like I make that a creative endeavor (which does not mean I make up numbers).

But I concede there is something more satisfying about writing a song or a story or smooshing paint around a canvas than being creative with data. It's become apparent to me how critical creative outlets (the overt kinds) are for my well being--physical, mental, spiritual. I'm not exaggerating with the word "critical." I feel myself leaning back into my most fundamental drive to live a life in which creative endeavors consume a bigger chunk than career. The most practical way I see to do that is to blend the two, so that my career IS a creative endeavor.

There's probably a gray area. I'm just too funked up to see it right now.


John said...

Let me know if you find that gray area. I've been trying to make a career out of being creative. It seems pretty black and white to me! Luck and drive to you, my friend.

amy said...

I so get you, P. On that "what makes me frazzled may look like a Hawaiian vacation to other people." I like only up to 2 things at a time on my plate, and preferably no meat. (i have no idea what i actually mean by that--i just think it sounds plucky and clever.)

It's so funny you wrote this, because I've been working on my next post, and about 2/3 of it was all: "When Spring Break gets here in 2 weeks, I am going to blow the world to pieces with my creative awesomeness!!! Until then, I remain not-all-that-productive yours, Amy."

I don't remember where I saw it recently, but creativity is inherently human (the source said). We, as humans, just like to stomp it out of ourselves (and out of children--with great delight we stomp it out of children). I wish everyone would stop this ridiculous stomping and part of our regular work day would be a 3 or 4 hour window for naps + creative endeavors. (I believe naps foster creative endeavors.)

I'm really looking forward to seeing what your creative brain cooks up for COFFEE. And I'm really, REALLY looking forward to the launch of little bird big tree storybook. (You will share, yes?)

Tanner May (Tanya) said...

Is it bad I instantly went to a selfish place of "YES! Yay--hooo!!!! Patresa has greys too!!" ?? That really is about what went through my frazzled muckety muck brain.

Now, that being said (admitted), I can't wait to see what your brain produces little p!!! Rock on Lady Sweet Cheeks.

blj said...

OK, Tangy T, since you went first, I'll admit my brain did a little jump for joy. P, you make creativity look so easy. Really. Seriously. You do. Maybe, sometimes, I'm a little jealous. So it's... what's the word.... refreshing? validating? to know that you struggle sometimes, too. But one of the many cool things about you is that you know exactly why you're sideways and you know exactly what you need to do to re-center. That's huge, my friend. Enormous. I have no doubt your slow start will soon be careening in perfect control :) Rock on. And don't forget to tell me when you do open mic again. I do love to listen to you perform!

Wendy said...

I'd like to comment by just saying " to the above comments. I'm right there with everyone. P, you always seem so steadfast in sticking to and working thru your creativity goals. You actually ARE creative, despite having to spend several hours a day being diverted, and that's sayin' something. Despite your saying you're not, I wish I could steal some of your motivation for myself.

And I'm with the girls, I also can't wait to see what your crazy little coconut cooks up next.

patresa said...

well.... boy do i have you fooled! ha! i drag my feet on EVERYTHING! i have piles (both literal and figurative piles) of unfinished projects and thoughts and plans. things i abandon in various stages of doing.

but i appreciate the vote of confidence! :)

Katie said...

Confidence vote, confidence vote!! You ARE such a creative little nugget, and I love that you give yourself room to be sideways and funked up when the situation calls for it. That is a rare talent, and I'm sure goes a long way to speedily balancing out the funk when it happens.

Kudos to the gray funkness, and I can't wait to see what happens next!! And I'm with Wendy - "" to everyone!!

Such wise people you hang with P, it's very nice.

T-Free said...

"My version of busy looks like a really nice break for many."

I feel exactly the same way about myself. I need so much more peace, silence, alone time, and stillness to stay balanced than most people seem to. I feel like I have a very low tolerance for multi-tasking. I am a uni-tasker. Too much going on around me, and I can't focus on anything. I scatter, too. I love that you've used that word to describe it. Scatter. Exactly.

"Eventually, I just got sick of myself and did it."

Haha. I call this Erasing the Mental List. It's like a dry erase board in my head. I finally get so sick of seeing the things I want to accomplish listed there, mocking me, so I stop procrastinating and do whatever they say so I can finally erase the stupid board!

Ahhhh, career as creative endeavor, creative endeavor as career. It's the American Dream, isn't it? Let's make it happen! :) xoxo.